tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2343808781658665786.post6555580778245427419..comments2010-12-10T09:56:16.076-05:00Comments on T. R. Konrad: "Almost a Day" -Rough DraftUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2343808781658665786.post-42107252417696258472010-12-10T09:56:16.076-05:002010-12-10T09:56:16.076-05:00Great advice from JM there T. I too feel for your ...Great advice from JM there T. I too feel for your narrator and am fully drawn into his pain and frustration.<br /><br />I liked how you plugged dialogue from multiple people into the same paragraph. Of course that's technically against the rules, but I thought it worked here, it made the focus on the two brothers, and the rest of the family mattered less.<br /><br />It's so sad, oxycontin and oxycodone ruin so many lives. They're basically just Heroin in a bottle.<br /><br />I do agree with JM, there are some spots where this needs some tightening and some work, and other parts that could be expanded, but I think you're off to a great start here.Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2343808781658665786.post-52492763707741224072010-12-07T21:04:39.416-05:002010-12-07T21:04:39.416-05:00This is a terrific first draft, full of longing an...This is a terrific first draft, full of longing and false hope, because we are not sure if the brother will ever get better, even though the narrator wants him to. I think your way in to emotional truth is through the desire of this narrator, his desire for his brother to get better. Mine this for all it's worth. When you revise, try to strip out the "telling" passages and show us this story unfolding. I think the fifteen minute car ride is a great place to expand. Let us see through the narrator's eyes his brother transforming like a werewolf. Slow it down and let us really see. Through these descriptions we will feel the narrator's pain more precisely. Great start. I'm looking forward to seeing how you finish! Thanks for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com