Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Short Story "The Bell Curve" Part One
Her father shot himself in the head with a shotgun years before I met her. When she told me the story she explained how bullets from the blast broke dishes on the other side of the kitchen where he had done it. We sat in my car, parked at a lovers lane of sorts, a park by day and our private hideout that night. She was letting me in, offering some reason for her madness. I didn't know how to feel for her, comfort her, I had no way of conjuring the kinds of emotion or feeling that might put her at ease or at least let her know I related to the the depth of her pain. My life was more like a suburban dream come true, I didn't know how to react to her back story, I just wanted her to show me some kind of attention. I was in over my head, she knew it but didn't care, I knew it and it showed. She saw something in me, she loved me she said.
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nice opening. compelling. interesting characters right off. we like the mc immediately. :)
ReplyDeleteVery compelling opening. I felt like I could relate to a lot of the emotions right away. A shotgun fires "shot" not bullets, you could also get away with pellets.
ReplyDeleteThat's a valid point, certainly true for real life. You could use several terms to be fully accurate, buck shot, bird shot, turkey shot, pellets, a slug ... and so on.
ReplyDeleteBut, another thing to consider here is the reliability of the narrator, and the person who reported the tale to him. It is entirely possible that one or both of them is completely unfamiliar with guns. TR, I would just make that if you use the term bullet, just make sure you're doing it ON PURPOSE.
I used bullet not even thinking that shotguns fire pellets; However, I think it works because the MC is completely clueless about guns. He's just a suburban kid with no real life experience. Krista also has no experience with guns and in fact hates them because of this incident.
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